On Sunday, The Femme Media posted an interesting thread on twitter about marriage under their #TwitchesTable banner. If you missed it, worry not, we got you. Its simply opinion, opinions aren’t facts, they are mere expressions. Here it is, happy reading!
Marriage: Do or Die?
If you don’t live in a patriarchal African society, this thread might not make sense to you. (They say), “The happiest day in a girl’s life is her wedding day.” They never took into consideration that we all want different things. Different women, different aspirations, different desires. This message has sunk into our psyches; we’ve accepted it. This has inadvertently caused many of us to feel matrimony and motherhood are the determinants of femininity. We feel they define our worth. Most messages we’ve heard from the cradle prepares us for matrimony: “Is this how you’ll behave when you get married?” “You are opinionated. Who will marry you?” “You know too much. No man wants that.” “You’re too tall… let’s hope you’ll find a tall man.” One of the functions of social institutions is to create social uniformity to avoid conflict. It doesn’t care if we are diff. people, in the real sense, not all of us are fashioned for matrimony for a couple of reasons. (http://www.thefemmemedia.com/editorial/conventional-marriage-not-meant-everyone/)
- Not everyone is monogamous. Cheating is to some of us what blood is to a mosquito: inevitable. We can’t commit.
- Not everyone is heterosexual. Conventional marriage in most African societies is a union between a man and woman. There’s variation in nature and it is expected that there’d be variation in human sexuality. It’s the reality.
- Not all of us need/want people. Some of us are natural hermits, loners. Cheiro in his studies noted this, too.
- Some of us are selfish/narcissistic. We are so into ourselves that we can’t share ourselves with other people. It happens.
If marriage were that important, Jesus would have gotten married right? I mean, he allowed himself to be baptised because it was important. In Matthew 19: 11-12, he gave reasons why matrimony was not meant for everyone. Even Apostle Paul didn’t get married. See? Not so important.
This brings about the question: “Why does the society force people, especially women, into matrimony?” Why does it single-shame people? “Who is society? Society is simply you and I being judgmental! We need a consensus. It’s time we stopped single-shaming people. Most people don’t care about your MARRIED LIFE. They simply want Owambe aso-ebi and party jollof. “When are we going to tie gele?” they ask.
Some people have gotten into this institution and in the process, they lost themselves. Some never achieved their dreams. The most bitter are the ones that feel cheated out of their dreams. Everyone wants to achieve the best expressions of themselves. Marriage doesn’t guarantee companionship. These two are different notions. Marriage is a big, life-altering step. No one should be pushed into it. We MUST NOT goad people into it by being marriage prefects. As stated earlier, we need a consensus to stop single-shaming. Different people, different aspirations.
Not everyone wants to get married. We should respect that. Marriage is a choice, not a destiny. A person’s marital status doesn’t affect us negatively in any way, does it? It’s not our business. Being married is not an indication that a person is responsible. Look at shady, dirty politicians and you’ll understand this! Marriage is not a do or die affair. We should focus on our lives and stop single-shaming people. Someone’s marital status is not our biz!
Let people be single in peace. But, if you still tempted to comment on their lives, please, say this prayer. Thanks.
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