I had a week from hell. From dealing with hospitals (unfriendly nurses, people screaming in pain and that sickly medicated smell in the corridors) to being defeated by technology. Excel and his siblings (forgotten passwords & viruses) had me by my imaginary balls. And of course, WINTER. Mxm.

For me winter spells a lot of troubles, both physically and emotionally. I was born a very sickly child. For the longest time (winters especially) I suffered from tonsils, the worst kind. My doctor advised that they be removed but, the way ubugwala bami is set up….the worst symptom/ side effect has to be the difficulty in swallowing. Everything has to cause pain. Even a sip of water. It’s like your body is giving you the middle finger on some “You need to diet vele.” -___-

This month of June has, however, been kinder in that regard and somewhat brutal emotionally. I have a cousin who has been ill for quite some time and it has taken the doctors the longest time possible to discover that she has cancer. Non Hodgkins Lymphoma. It’s been an emotional roller coaster.

One moment you’re hopeful because she seems better, and the next you want to prepare yourself for the worst. I AM TIRED. It has, however, made me realise how fragile, how short and how elusive life can really be. I knew this in the back of my mind but, ignoring the fact was/is a better option.

We spend so much time in trying to deal with problems and wanting to stop and smell the roses that we end up achieving neither. I have achieved neither. I still have to figure out for what ‘smell the roses’ really means. Does it mean you ignore the problems in your life? Does it mean you numb the pain for the time being and hope to God it never comes back? Or does it mean you smile and laugh in spite of the problems? Someone point me in the right direction.

One thing I have learnt, however, is that there’s no manual to living life. There’s no step by step guide on how to be happy. You discover things that bring you joy as you live life, through the pain and disappointments and the let downs. You discover yourself. You learn about yourself. You learn about self’s strengths and weaknesses. You work towards being happy, whatever happy means to you. Basically you smell the roses.